


Who Keeps Your Flame, Who Tells Your Story?

by mandamanda



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Chirrut/Baze is headcanon but not written into the plot here, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hamilton References, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Minor Leia Organa/Han Solo, Romance, Slow Burn, Songfic, brief appearance by Luke Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 10,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9253844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandamanda/pseuds/mandamanda
Summary: "Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it takes and it takes and it takes, and we keep living anyway, we rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes."Interconnected one-shots inspired by the lyrics of Hamilton, mostly set after Scarif. Jyn and Cassian deal with the consequences of surviving. Everyone Lives AU. **Rating change on 1/12





	1. Burn

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've written in a very long time, but I loved Rogue One and have been thinking about it a lot since I saw it on opening day. My Hamilton obsession merged with this new obsession and inspired me to write again. Not necessarily inspired by the plot of Hamilton, but by certain lines/lyrics that resonated with me. I'm not a Star Wars expert by any means, so I apologize in advance for any errors. 
> 
> Feedback/comments are very much appreciated!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've torn it all apart  
> I'm watching it  
> Burn."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set on the flight back from Eadu.

Her anger is so overwhelming that he can feel it radiating toward him, heat from a raging fire. She sits on the floor, every muscle tight and contracted, legs and knees drawn tensely into her body. She stares at the floor as though she’s trying to ignite it on fire with her faze. Her jaw is clenched, and he’s not even quite sure if she’s blinked once. She hasn’t shown any sign that she can hear or feel anything around her, not the hushed conversations, not the movement of the ship. He turns away, but still he feels it, slowly filling the air and consuming him.

When they land, she pushes herself off of the ground, quickly turning and exiting as soon as the door opens. There is no elegance or caution in her movement. She doesn’t look at back at him. But without even a glance, he knows what she’s thinking.

She hopes that he burns.


	2. That Would Be Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Forgiveness. Can you imagine?"

As their scrappy little unit is readying itself to head to Scarif, Cassian puts his hand on her arm and pulls her aside.

“Jyn, I need to talk to you.” She’s convinced he’s going to say that he’s changed his mind, that he can’t risk his place in the Alliance, that it’s a suicide mission and he can’t be part of it after all. “About what happened with your father, I—“

“Not now,” she says, slightly horrified that he would bring it up. 

“Please hear me out.” He takes her hands in his, his eyes pleading with her to listen. “If I could have done anything, if I could have stopped it, if there was a way his life could have been spared… anything, I would do it.” He looks so serious and sincere, and perhaps even nervous? She’s never seen him nervous.

She isn’t sure what to say, or where this is coming from. He’s made it clear to her that he doesn’t feel at fault for what happened – that he was following orders, that the Alliance was doing what they thought needed to be done. He didn’t owe her anything, in his view. 

She doesn’t have time to analyze this when there’s work to be done. If they both survive this…

She can’t think about that now. Before she can say anything, he adds, “I know what it’s like to lose everyone. I don’t know what I would have done if I had the chance to see my family again. If I saved him, if he were standing here right now, you would smile, and that would be enough for me.”

Well then. She really doesn’t know what to do with that now.

“Thank you,” she says quietly. “Let’s go.”


	3. Stay Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The fact that you're alive is a miracle,  
> Just stay alive, that would be enough."

_Stay alive._

That’s all she can think on the ride back to Yavin 4. Somehow, they were able to run back to the ship before the planet was engulfed in white heat. She doesn’t understand how they found the strength, considering the shape they’re in now. Cassian can barely stay conscious, his face contorted in pain. They’ve managed to patch up Bodhi’s shrapnel wound enough for him to pilot, and Chirrut’s leg won’t stop bleeding, despite Baze’s best efforts to stop it (while ignoring his own wounds, which aren’t doing much better). 

Her side aches, but she tries not to focus on it. She reaches for the kyber crystal around her neck, rubbing it between her fingers as she closing her eyes and thinks of her mother’s last words to her – trust in the Force. In the years since, she didn’t believe in the Force – in what just, balanced world would her parents be taken from her so violently, would her guardian abandon her, would she be forced to be on the run, lying and stealing just to survive? But given that they all somehow are still here, she prays with everything in her.

_Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive._

“We’re almost there, hang on,” Bodhi yells to no one in particular.

Jyn shifts herself closer to Cassian, reaching for him. He opens his eyes slightly, closing them and breathing into his pain once his hand is around hers.

“Jyn, your father would be proud,” he manages to get out, though it’s clear that each word is a struggle.

“Shh,” she hushes him, giving his hand a slight squeeze. “Save your strength.” Stay alive.

The ship lands roughly and Jyn winces in pain with each bump. Instantly, the ship is filled with people, and before she can comprehend what’s happening, she’s on a stretcher heading towards the med bay. She tries to sit up to see where Cassian is, but she’s pushed back down by a droid.

“You need to stay still, Miss Erso. You risk further injury if you move.”

Closing her eyes tightly, he reaches for the crystal and pictures Cassian and the way he looked at her on the elevator, after the transmission. Should she have kissed him then, when she had the chance? Would she ever get the chance now? 

She feels a prick in her arm as someone gives her a shot of something, a sedative judging by the way she can’t keep her eyes open. As the world around her fades, she has two words running through her mind.

_Stay alive._


	4. We Can Prove That We’re Worth More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You’re an orphan. Of course! I’m an orphan  
> God, I wish there was a war!  
> Then we could prove that we’re worth more  
> Than anyone bargained for…"
> 
> Cassian wants to prove his worth in the Alliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to pretend that it's an artistic choice to flash back here, but the reality is that I forgot I was going to write this until after I posted the first three...

Since he became part of the Alliance as a child, Cassian has been waiting to prove himself. At first, no one trusts that this young orphan, traumatized by the violence he witnessed already in his short life, will be stable enough to be an effective soldier.

He throws himself into training. He may be young, but his mind is older, sharper. Every burden and disadvantage is refocused and channeled into a source of strength and determination. He trains harder, focuses more precisely, becomes more disciplined than anyone else. After years of this, he becomes valuable, indispensible. He still wants more.

Jyn, on the other hand, does nothing to convince anyone, especially him, that she will be anything other than volatile when she first arrives. She reminds Cassian of everything he tried to hard to prove that he wasn’t. He knows she thinks that he doesn’t particularly care for her, but it’s not that. He already understands her too well, and he has to keep his distance. Even if they are assigned to work together, he can’t let her in. 

When she tells him, “Trust goes both ways,” he knows that part of him already does. They’re two sides of the same coin – both orphans looking to prove they’re worth more than anyone expected they would be.

He lets her keep the stolen blaster, despite Kaytoo’s warnings. Some things can’t be boiled down to probabilities and measurements.

He hopes his instincts aren’t wrong this time.


	5. There are Moments that the Words Don’t Reach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just let me stay here by your side  
> That would be enough...  
> There are moments that the words don’t reach  
> There is a grace too powerful to name  
> We push away what we can never understand  
> We push away the unimaginable."
> 
> Jyn waits for Cassian to recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, for the kudos, and for the comments. As I mentioned earlier, this is my first time writing in a long time, and it's nerve-wracking to put something out there for others to read, so it means a lot that anyone is reading this and liking it. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Jyn’s released from the medbay while Cassian’s still unconscious, but she doesn’t leave, instead choosing to sleep in a chair next to his bed. Bodhi, who is released a day after she is, tries to convince her to go outside and get some air, or at least take a break to get some food, but she refuses to leave Cassian’s side.

“Is sitting here really going to make a difference? Will it help him?” Bodhi asks. She looks up at him, her expression unreadable. Bodhi sighs and walks away, knowing there is no point in trying to continue the conversation. A few minutes later, she senses someone in the doorway, and it’s Bodhi, with a ration bar and cup of caf. She smiles gratefully as he hands them to her, and he nods and leaves her to her vigil.

At some point she drifts off, her feet propped up on an empty crate and hand resting on top of Cassian’s. She’s not sure how long she sleeps for, but her dreams are filled with the unimaginable – all of the permutations that didn’t happen on Scarif but could have. She tries to push them away, but each time she manages to leave one, another takes its place. It’s a relief when she opens her eyes, but when she remembers where she is, it suddenly doesn’t feel much better. She turns her head to look at him and is shocked to see he’s staring back. 

“Cassian,” she says softly, sighing out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. He opens his mouth and tries to speak, frowning in frustration when he can’t seem to get anything to come out. She reaches over and strokes his hair, making what she hopes are soothing noises. She can’t remember someone doing this for her – her mother or father must have at some point – and she’s never done it for anyone else. 

A medical officer enters the room and begins his examination, but Jyn refuses to let go of Cassian’s hand. He’ll just have to work around her. In the end, he’s told he’ll be released in three days, assuming he continues to heal at the same pace. Jyn smiles at Cassian, and he does his best to smile back through the pain. She isn’t sure what to say – there are so many things she needs to tell him, and she doesn’t know where to begin. Besides, talking is too much for him right now, and she can’t have this conversation herself. 

“I’ll go tell the others,” she says, giving his hand one final squeeze. She sees him trying to say something, and he makes a noise that sounds like her name. She smiles. “We’ll talk later.” He nods slightly, closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep.


	6. I Imagine Death So Much It Feels More Like a Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory  
> Is this where it gets me, on my feet, sev’ral feet ahead of me?  
> I see it coming, do I run or fire my gun or let it be?  
> There is no beat, no melody..."
> 
> Physical wounds heal faster. The Rogue One crew begins to deal with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading, who is leaving kudos, and who is commenting. I so appreciate that you are reading and liking this. It means the world to me.
> 
> Hamilton's soliloquy in The World Was Wide Enough is one of the most beautiful pieces of poetry I've ever read/heard (and is where the title of this chapter comes from): http://genius.com/Lin-manuel-miranda-the-world-was-wide-enough-lyrics

They’ve been out of the medbay for a week. Bodhi is already walking again – the shrapnel wound from the grenade explosion healed quickly. Chirrut seems to be without any pain, despite nasty leg wound from a blater. He spends most days meditating, Baze by his side. His arm is healing in a sling, but all things considered he’s fortunate that it’s his only injury. Cassian is still using crutches to help him walk, and his back aches, but he’s healing as expected. Jyn is the most stubborn about her recovery, insisting she feels fine, and she only consents to go for her ordered treatments when she can’t stand listening to Kaytoo rattling off the risks of complications any longer. (Kay gets off the easiest in all of this – Jyn wishes someone could reboot her into a fresh body the way they did for him.)

Physical wounds heal faster than mental ones. There’s an unspoken agreement to not speak about Scarif, beyond the mandatory debriefs they recorded for the Alliance once each of them was stable enough to be awake and talking for more than a few minutes at a time.

They each imagine the alternative histories, where one of them doesn’t make it, or some of them don’t, or all of them don’t.

Jyn finds herself waking up with a start every night, imagining a white hot sea swallowing her whole as she stands alone, helpless. Sometimes she dreams Cassian is with her, embracing her as the light washes over them. She isn’t sure what is worse.

She imagines her death so much it feels more like a memory.

One night, she finds herself outside of Cassian’s quarters. She lifts her hand, and before she can even knock, the door opens and he’s standing there, leaning on a single crutch. She imagines it’s his years of being a spy that have made his senses so sharp, but she questions if it is possible for them to be so sharp that he would have heard her approaching in his sleep.

He steps aside wordlessly and she enters, drawing her arms around herself as she feels a chill. She can’t tell if it’s cold in here or if it’s just her mind playing tricks again.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, and she shakes her head.

“Nightmares.” He nods in understanding and seems to hesitate before tentatively placing a hand on her shoulder. When he feels her lean into him, he pulls her into an embrace as best he can, one arm holding onto the crutch while he tries to move in a way that doesn’t make his black flare up in pain. It’s not easy to do, and he can’t imagine it’s very comfortable for her, either, but he feels her relax in his arms and it’s worth any discomfort he feels.

“Can I stay?” she asks softly, leaning her face into his chest. He pulls her closer.

“Of course.”


	7. Say No to This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, show me how to  
> Say no to this  
> How can I  
> Say no to this?"
> 
> Each night, he holds her close, avoiding touching the side that still hasn’t fully healed. She curls into him, and he presses his face into her hair, breathing in her scent. In the early morning, she extracts herself from his arms and leaves without saying a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to everyone who is reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. It means so much to me!

Although they’ve been sharing a bed most nights, that is all they’ve been doing. One might think that a near-death experience might motivate them to live life to the fullest, but they are even more cautious than before. No behavior that could be misconstrued by anyone. No secret smiles, careless touches in public. They are never seen alone together. They retreat into themselves during the day, and only come together under the cover of night.

Each night, he holds her close, avoiding touching the side that still hasn’t fully healed. She curls into him, and he presses his face into her hair, breathing in her scent. In the early morning, she extracts herself from his arms and leaves without saying a word. 

When he woke up in the med bay and saw her sitting there, he assumed she felt the same. She implied they would talk about what was going to happen with, but they haven’t really talked since. He follows her lead, keeping his distance. If all he’s going to get out of her is their nights together, he’ll take it.

One day while he’s studying intelligence reports over breakfast in the mess hall, Bodhi sits down across him. Cassian barely looks up as he mumbles a greeting. They sit in silence for a few minutes, Bodhi quietly eating as Cassian reads.

“So what’s going on with you and Jyn? Get into a fight?” Bodhi asks, sipping his caf. It’s startling enough for Cassian stop his reading and look up. 

“What? No, we’re fine, everything’s fine.” Bodhi looks unconvinced.

“It’s just that you know, before…” He pauses, thinking of how to mention Scarif without saying it, and instead chooses to just skip over it. “In the past, you seemed, well, different.”

“Different,” Cassian repeats, staring blankly at Bodhi.

“You know, more comfortable? Like you had a secret that only the two of you knew. I saw the way you used to look at her. Now it’s like you’re avoiding going anywhere near each other.”

‘There was nothing going on before, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“I know nothing was happening – I was there for almost all of it. But you felt something for each other. Look, all I can say is I had offered to go with her to retrieve the plans, you would have punched me in the face.” Bodhi winces as he realizes he’s mentioned what they’ve been avoiding talking about. “Sorry.”

Cassian shakes his head. “It’s fine. But really, it was nothing.” Bodhi raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing him.

“Whatever you say. All I know is I couldn’t get her to leave your side for even a minute. That doesn’t sound like nothing.” Bodhi gets up, taking his empty tray. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” Cassian nods. He tries to return to his reading, but finds he can’t concentrate.

What are he and Jyn doing? Why do they keep avoiding taking it further? Maybe now that they have something, someone they couldn’t bear to lose, it’s that much harder. What will happen if they take that next step? What if she dies, and he has to live without her? Does she feel the same way about him? How can he let her in more now, when already the thought of having and then losing her makes his chest feel too tight?

Maybe they do need to keep saying no to this, whatever this is. They’ve both had more than enough loss in their lives as it is, and if they become what everyone assumes they already are, it would only be that much worse. It’s a war. Better to focus on what’s ahead and keep emotion out of it, like he’s trained himself to do.

Just as he’s decided this, a voice inside of him says, “But what if you lost her now? Would it make a difference if you told yourself that she doesn’t mean anything?” He realizes that the pain wouldn’t be any less – perhaps it would only be worse, knowing they never said what needed to be said. 

He can’t speak for Jyn, though, despite what Bodhi says. Perhaps she stayed by his side because she felt guilty about something. Perhaps she comes to at night because she knows he won’t turn her away. Maybe she’d prefer to just stay detached. Maybe she’s better at it than he is.

He looks at his plate, noting that he hasn’t even touched his food, so he takes a quick bite. (He knows Kaytoo will ask if he ate and he wants to be able to say yes, because the droid will know if he’s lying and, if he is, will deliver a lecture about blood sugar levels that Cassian can’t stand to hear again.) He gets up and heads towards her quarters, hoping she’s still in there and hasn’t left for training yet.

He sighs in relief when he hears her moving within. He knocks, and when she opens the door, he doesn’t even give her a chance to ask why he’s there before he’s blurting out, “Why do we keep saying no to this?”

Her brow furrows in confusion. “Say no to what?”

“To this, to us.” He knows that he probably looks desperate. “Why, Jyn?”

“I—“

“I know you may not feel the same. I know that maybe you just come to me because I’m familiar and safe and won’t take advantage, but I can’t keep pretending that I don’t want this, that I don’t want you. I just need you to know.”

He waits for her to say something. Instead she, looks around the hallway, and he wonders if she’s trying to find help to get away from this clearly unhinged person who she knows is armed with a blaster and is currently at her door, professing his feelings. Instead, she pulls him inside the room, pushes the door shut behind them, and grabs him by the lapels of his jacket. She’s so small and has to stand on her toes to kiss him, but it’s with such force that he stumbles backward. In shock, he drops the datapad he forgot he was holding, and it takes a few seconds for his brain to process what’s happening, and then his arms around her and he’s kissing her back, channeling all of the longing and hope and desperation into it. After a few moments, she breaks away and looks up at him. 

“Stay,” she whispers.

He can’t say no.


	8. We Keep Living Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Death doesn’t discriminate  
> Between the sinners  
> And the saints  
> It takes and it takes and it takes  
> And we keep living anyway  
> We rise and we fall  
> And we break  
> And we make our mistakes  
> And if there’s a reason I’m still alive  
> When everyone who loves me has died  
> I’m willing to wait for it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and leaving kudos and comments! I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Sometimes at night, when he allows his mind to wander, Cassian wonders why he’s still here.

In the past, he didn’t have time to sit and think much. Mission after mission spent running on empty meant no time to contemplate the past. Focus on the goal, focus on survival. Don’t focus on the past.

He hasn’t been cleared for duty yet, so his mind has the time to wander and dwell on everything he’s spent years running from. His parents, his childhood (if it can be called that), the terrible things he’s justified in the name of the cause, the mistakes he’s made that have cost others their lives. He thinks of the near misses, the times pure luck intervened and he somehow kept living when he should have died. He’s wonders how many times it’s been by this point. It’s as though everything that he has tried to lock away has burst out and escaped, running wild through his head as he tries to forget.

He wonders why he’s still alive, when everyone who ever loved him has died. Is there some larger purpose? When he went along with Jyn to steal the Death Star plans, he assumed that he was going to his death, but he felt at peace with it, knowing what he was dying for. 

Dying is easy; living is harder.

Once Jyn starts coming to his room every night, the thoughts seem more muted than before. They’re still there, but faded to the background. He focuses on the warmth of her body, the weight of her body pressed into him, the scent of her hair, and the tension slowly eases.

The morning that he goes to her to ask why they’re holding back, and she kisses him and asks him to stay, he begins to understand why he might still be here. He knows that they’re supposed to be at training right now, proving that they’re physically and mentally ready to return to the field in full force, but he decides that the war can wait for just one morning. 

He cradles her face in his hands and kisses her tenderly, pouring every unspoken declaration and intention into it. She rests her hands lightly on his chest, kissing him back. He senses her hesitation, despite the passion of their kiss a moment ago, and he’s not sure if it’s because of him, or because this intimacy is unfamiliar. He pulls her closer and he feels her relax into him. Her kisses become less tentative, and soon tenderness turns to passion. She runs one hand through his hair as she trails the other down his back, and he mirrors her movements, pulling her as close to him as he can. They somehow make their way to her narrow cot, and when she pulls him on top of her, he knows that he’s not leaving this room today.

If it takes fighting a war for him to be with Jyn for just today, it will have been worth it.

Hours later, he realizes they’ve missed every training and meeting they should have been at. He wonders why no one has come looking for them yet, but he supposes there are some perks to being a war hero. Her head is resting on his shoulder as his body curls into his side. He leans over to kiss her hair, and he feels her sigh.

If this is why he’s still alive, it was worth waiting for.


	9. It Will Have Been Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who is reading, leaving kudos, and commenting!
> 
> I had initially planned this out very carefully, but as I'm writing these next sections, things are going in directions that I didn't expect them to, so it's been interesting for me to see where my mind goes as I write.

When Jyn opens her eyes, she knows something is different, but she can’t quite remember why that is until she turns her head and sees Cassian beside her. She is used to waking up next to him, of course, from all of the nights she’s spent in his bed, but this is different. She is curled into his side, her head resting on his shoulder, instead of what she’s used to doing: turning her back to him as she tries to convince herself that the comfort she derives from their bed sharing arrangement is just the feel of a warm body next to hers.

She can’t tell herself that anymore. 

He opens his eyes, smiling softly as he meets her gaze.

“Hi,” she says quietly.

“Good morning,” he says, kissing her tenderly. “We need to get up. I don’t think they’ll be so indulgent as to let us miss another day.” 

She pouts in response, making him smile wider. As long as they stay here, in this bed, she can pretend that the war isn’t raging and all that matters is the two of them. Then again, it was the Rebellion that brought them together, and for once she’s thankful for every moment in her life if they all led to this one. Cassian kisses her forehead, pulling her closer to him. They stay like that, taking comfort in the quiet for a few minutes, before Cassian kisses her again and sits up. She watches as he dresses, dreading each second that passes, knowing that their time in this bubble of theirs is running out. He sees her watching him and smiles.

“I’ll meet you for breakfast in 10 minutes, okay?” he says, and she nods. He opens the door and looks around the hallway before he slips out, closing the door behind him quietly. 

She gives herself one more minute to stay in bed, eyes closing as she replays the last few hours in her mind. Sighing, she gets out of bed and heads to the refresher to get ready for the day ahead.

When she gets to the mess hall for breakfast, Cassian’s already there, sitting with Baze, Chirrut, and Bodhi. She quickly goes to get some food before heading over to the table. She sits next to Cassian, avoiding making eye contact with anyone, worried she’ll give something away. The group sits in silence for a few moments before Chirrut smiles, leans over to Baze, and says, “You owe me five credits.”

Jyn’s mouth is agape and her cheeks grow hot while Cassian tenses beside to her. Bodhi starts laughing while Baze grumbles about this being an unfair wager.

“What did you say?” Jyn demands, elbowing Cassian in the side.

“I didn’t!” he exclaims. “Bodhi must have—“

“Don’t pin this on me,” Bodhi says, “I didn’t tell them about our talk yesterday.” 

“I sensed a change in your energy when you first sat down, Cassian, and when Jyn joined you, it confirmed it,” Chirrut explains. Baze still looks annoyed.

“You couldn’t have waited one week?” he grumbles.

“ _What?_ ” Jyn asks, her voice getting higher and slightly louder. “You were taking bets on when we… we…”

“On when you got your heads out of your asses and realized how you felt about each other,” Baze responds. Jyn and Cassian look at each other, stunned.

“But we—“

“It’s not—“

“We just—“

“Finally put us all out of our misery?” Baze supplies. Jyn glares, and Cassian puts his head in his hands.

“You realize you can’t disappear for an entire day without everyone else talking about it, right?” Bodhi asks, and Cassian groans.

“C’mon,” Jyn nudges Cassian. “Let’s go to our meeting. If they’re all going to talk about us, let them say it to our faces.” He smiles at her and looks like he’s about to kiss her, but stops himself when he remembers where they are. Baze and Bodhi exchange a glance, and Jyn glares at them before rising from the table, Cassian following her.

“Alright,” Bodhi says after the couple is out of the room, “who’s going to tell Kaytoo?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to update every day, but I'll be away for the weekend and won't be able to update until at least Monday. Thank you again to everyone for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting!


	10. Bastard, Orphan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now you call me 'amoral,'  
> A 'dangerous disgrace,'  
> If you’ve got something to say  
> Name a time and place  
> Face to face."
> 
> Someone says something about Jyn. Cassian doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An excuse to write fluff where Cassian defends Jyn's honor (even though we all know she doesn't need defending).

She’s resting in her quarters on the narrow, too-thin mattress when she is jolted awake by someone flinging the door open and slamming it shut. She springs herself upright and reaches for the blaster she keeps on her, relaxing when she seems it’s him. His entire body is stiff, jaw tight and brow furrowed, fists clenched at his side. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, and he sighs in response, shoulders still tense. She stands and crosses the room, putting her arms around him. She feels him relax slightly, but she waits, knowing that he needs some time. She feels him sigh again and she steps back, looking up at him. “Cassian?”

“Just some new recruits saying some thing they shouldn’t,” he responds, not meeting her gaze.

“About what?”

“You.”

She looks down and takes a closer look at his hand, the knuckles swollen and red and stained with something that looks like dried blood.

“What did you do?” Jyn asks, already knowing the answer. 

“I punched one of them. Just a dumb kid, running his mouth when he shouldn’t be.” He flexes his hand, staring at the damage.

“Cassian, I don’t need defending. I’m sure I’ve heard worse—“

“He was saying that you were Imperial scum, a dangerous disgrace, just like your father, and that it’s crazy they’d let some reckless orphan into the Alliance. I just couldn’t let them talk like that.”

“And then you punched him?” she asks. He nods, looking away in embarrassment.

“He called me a double-crossing bastard, sleeping with the enemy,” he says. She smiles, remembering a time she probably would have called him a bastard, too. 

“Lucky you,” she grins. He smiles back at her, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.


	11. Now Is The Time To Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And revolution is messy but now is the time to stand  
> Stand with our brothers as they fight against tyranny..."
> 
> Cassian has some issues with Captain Han Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to everyone who is reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! I hope you enjoy this next one.
> 
> There are some excellent fics that really explore how the Rogue One crew deals with the Alliance losing the Death Star plans, so I'm not even going to try to tackle that one. I felt like I needed to briefly address it here, since it would seem like an oversight not to, but as you can tell I didn't want to linger too long on it.
> 
> Also, I can't find any evidence that (Empire Strikes Back era) Han Solo actually has the rank of Captain within the Alliance (rather than just being called "captain" because he's the captain of the Millennium Falcon) but let's just say that he does for the sake of this plot...

It was fortunate for the entire Rebel Alliance that the survivors of Rogue One didn’t know that the Death Star plans had been missing until after they were already recovered, Cassian thinks. He’s almost grateful that they were all stuck in the med bay, kept from the news of the outside world for a bit. While he’s used to missions going wrong, this one would have been too much. He wonders how the others, less conditioned to the workings of the Rebellion, would have responded. He imagines Baze would to have his blaster taken away, Jyn would have destroyed a lot of valuable equipment (and possibly seriously injured a few valuable people) with her bare hands, and Bodhi would have retreated further into himself. He imagines Chirrut wouldn’t have let any emotion show, while K-2SO would rattle off the statistical probabilities of recovering the plans.

By the time they had found out, the plans had already been safely returned and were being analyzed. Jyn had briefed the generals what she knew of her father’s design, and before they knew it, the pilots had run off to prepare for what they would later refer to as the Battle of Yavin. Because no one from Rogue One had been cleared for duty, they had to stay behind and wait. Although they had shared in the elation when the Death Star was destroyed, they couldn’t help but feel as though they were missing out on something they should have been part of. 

Since then, they’ve been trying to prove their worth once again. The heroes of the hour, Skywalker and Solo, seem to have a disproportionate amount of influence in everything. He likes Skywalker well enough, but something about Solo rubs him the wrong way. How is it that this newcomer who has no investment in the cause (other than, it seems, the Princess) is suddenly a Captain, a rank Cassian had to work hard to earn?

They’ve relocated to Hoth, where it’s too cold to escape the base when things start to get to him, so he’s getting tenser by the day. Watching Solo shamelessly flirt with the Princess (Cassian really hopes she finally slaps him one of these days) and strut around like he’s in charge is getting to be too much. It doesn’t help that Jyn doesn’t seem to find Solo as irritating as he does – she’s almost charmed by him. He knows that the smuggler is no real threat, but every time he sees her talking to him, he resists the urge to say or do something he’ll regret later. 

They’re in an intelligence briefing that somehow Solo has wormed his way into. Princess Leia is reviewing some new information retrieved on a recent mission while Solo makes sarcastic comments at regular intervals, making her turn redder and redder with each one. He can see that she’s about to snap.

Cassian snaps first. Solo makes some comment about something not being worth the risk. Does he understand how many risks Cassian has had to take, that they have all had to take, when it wasn’t clear if it would be worth it? Does he understand that there’s no choice sometimes, that revolutions are messy, now is the time to stand, when they can possibly gain even the smallest advantage?

“What are you even doing here? Why don’t you just leave if this is all a joke to you?” Cassian yells.

“Look, buddy, I’ve risked just as much as you have to be here,” Solo says, deceptively calm. “There’s a bounty on my head—“

“Screw your bounty. You know nothing of loyalty or risk! You’re in this for yourself—“

“Watch it, kid—“

“Enough! Both you of you, get out!” Leia yells, glaring at both of them. Both men look at her, stunned, before quietly getting up and leaving.

“Hey, kid, listen,” Solo starts, but Cassian just walks back to his quarters, angrier with himself than anyone else. He’s supposed to be proving that he is a leader, and instead he’s giving into infighting. He knows he’ll hear about this more tomorrow.

Jyn isn’t there when he walks into the room, and he decides it’s probably for the best. He doesn’t want to have to explain what’s happened right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still figuring out tumblr (because I grew up in the days of LJ) but you can find me there as realmandamanda - come say hi!


	12. Meet Me Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This war is hard enough without infighting…  
> You solve nothing…  
> Watch your tone  
> I am not a maiden in need of defending.”
> 
> Captain Cassian Andor continues to have issues with Captain Han Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again to everyone who is leaving kudos and comments - it means so much to me!
> 
> As I stated in the last chapter: don't know that Han Solo actually has an official rank of Captain but let's pretend he does for the sake of this plot. (Let's also pretend that Mon Mothma and Draven were also on Hoth for the sake of the plot - this is all AU anyway, right?)

After his last fight with Solo, Cassian decided that he was going to be above it and not let the arrogant bastard get to him.

Easier said than done.

He doesn’t even remember how it got so heated, but once again, Solo makes a dumb comment during a meeting, Cassian can’t let it pass, Solo calls him “kid” one too many times, and soon there are men literally pulling them apart.

He’s brought into a small meeting room with the only two women who have the power to scare him besides Jyn – Princess Leia and Mon Mothma. Mon Mothma looks calm, but he knows her well enough to see the frustration in her eyes. Leia isn’t as skilled at hiding her frustration. Much to Cassian’s dismay, General Draven enters a few moments later. The door is barely closed behind him before Leia is yelling.

“What is wrong with you, Captain Andor? I’ve known for years and I never would have predicted this behavior from you.”

“I’m sorry, Your Highness,” he says, averting her gaze. “It’s just Solo – I’m sorry, _Captain_ Solo. What value is he adding here?” She glares at him and seems to be even angrier than before.

“What value he has is not for you to judge—“ Leia starts, and Mon Mothma places a hand on her arm, which seems to calm her slightly.

“Leia, if I may speak candidly, I’m worried he’s toying with your emotions and using that to his advantage,” Cassian says.

“I’m not a maiden in need of defending,” Leia nearly growls.

“Captain Andor, this war is hard enough without infighting,” Mon says calmly. 

“I’m ordering you to return to your quarters for the rest of the day,” Draven says. “If I hear of any further disputes with Captain Solo, there will be severe consequences.”

“But, sir, please. Give me something to do. Give me a mission to focus on. Give me a group to lead,” Cassian pleads. He can’t stand the thought that he’s being sent to his room like a child instead of being given something useful to do that will actually help the Rebellion.

“You haven’t quite earned the right to that now, son.”

“Let me prove it, then!” Cassian exclaims, all of his frustrations spilling out at once. “Give me a chance! Why is it that _Captain_ Solo is automatically given so much authority? I’ve been proving myself to the Alliance for my entire life, and he’s allowed to just waltz in here and—“

“That’s enough, Cassian,” Draven says, his tone indicating there will be no further discussion. “Go.”

Jyn is there when he returns to their quarters this time, and he can tell by the look on her face that she’s already heard about the fight. He wordlessly takes her in his arms, the warmth of her body against his soothing him. She wraps her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. He’s grateful that she isn’t asking him to talk about it, or chastising him for knowing better. She kisses him gently, pulling back to reach up and brush back the hair that’s fallen in front of his eyes, smiling softly. He pulls her close again, silently thanking the Force or whatever is out there for bringing him someone who understands him without question, who makes all of this bearable.


	13. Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “…I don’t have a dollar to my name  
> An acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame  
> All I have’s my honor, a tolerance for pain…  
> I’ve been livin’ without a family since I was a child  
> My father left, my mother died, I grew up buckwild  
> But I’ll never forget my mother’s face, that was real  
> And long as I’m alive… swear to God  
> You’ll never feel so  
> Helpless."
> 
> He’s always been able to hold it together, to be indifferent and impersonal, but now the cracks are starting to show in a way they never did before, and he knows it’s because of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my favorites to write. It gets super fluffy, but hopefully not TOO cheesy. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading and leaving comments/kudos!

He’s always been able to hold it together, to be indifferent and impersonal, but now the cracks are starting to show in a way they never did before, and he knows it’s because of her.

When she smiles, when she laughs, when she looks his way, he feels the cracks growing larger. 

He’s in an intelligence briefing when a sergeant walks into the room, pulling Mon Mothma aside. He hears “Erso” and “missing” and immediately springs to his feet. 

He’s been in this long enough that he’s heard similar news before about people he knew, people he might have even called friends. Back then, he would be rational – all wars have causalities, and everyone here has lost someone they care about.

But he can’t lose her. 

His superior officers are nervous about sending him to find her, concerned that his emotion will cloud his judgment. Draven still holds what happened on Eadu over his head, throwing it in his face on a fairly regular basis. Ultimately, they decide to let him go, knowing that trying to stop him is useless.

He and Kaytoo are doing final checks on the shuttle when he hears some commotion further down the hangar. He looks up and sees her walking towards his shuttle, surrounded by a group of people who he assumes are trying to find out what happened to her. She doesn’t seem to be listening or responding, looking around for something or someone. It takes a moment for him to process what’s happening, but soon he is yelling to K-2SO to shut everything down as he gets up and runs down to her, calling her name. 

She turns her head and sees him, the tension in her face relaxing with relief. She doesn’t quite smile, and he understands that she can’t right now, but it’s enough. He keeps running towards her, unwilling to stop until she’s in his arms. He pulls her close, breathing her in, ignoring the crowd around them as he holds her tightly. She holds onto him with equal strength, and he can tell that this is not his strong, fearless Jyn. This Jyn is still rattled and scared. This Jyn feels as helpless as he did earlier when he didn’t know where she was or if she’d be coming back. He feels her being pulled away to go debrief her mission, and he goes with her, refusing to let go of her hand until he has to. He sits in the back, blending into the darkness, as she answers their questions. He can tell that she’s trying to remain calm and contained, but she’s struggling. He wishes that he could do something to make this easier for her, but he’ll just have to wait until she’s done.

After what feels like hours, she’s dismissed, and he puts an arm around her as they walk back to their quarters. She leans into his shoulder, and he quickly kisses her as the reach their door. He enters the code and leads her in, lying down on the bed and pulling her to him. She burrows into his side, and he wraps his arms around her.

She leans up to kiss him, channeling every emotion she’s feeling – desperation, fear, relief – into it. He kisses back with equal passion, trying to show her how worried he was and how grateful he is that she’s in his arms.

“Cassian, I was so scared,” she whispers. “I thought I would never see you again.”

“I know,” he says quietly. “I can’t lose you, Jyn. I felt so helpless.”

“So did I,” she says, and he knows she’s not used to admitting that to anyone. The fact that she trusts him enough to say that to him means more than he can tell her.

“I will do everything in my power to keep you from ever feeling that way again,” he says, looking into her eyes. He hesitates, because they haven’t said these words out loud yet, even if he’s quite sure that she feels the same. “I love you, Jyn Erso. As long as I’m alive I will love you.” 

She doesn’t say anything, but her kiss tells him she feels the same. He doesn’t care if others think that she makes him weak, because he knows that she is what gives him strength.


	14. Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Legacy. What is a legacy?  
> It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see  
> I wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me  
> …you great unfinished symphony, you sent for me  
> You let me make a difference  
> A place where even orphan immigrants  
> Can leave their fingerprints and rise up.”
> 
> She carries these with her to sustain her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! It means so much to me!

Jyn had always assumed she would have been dead by now. It’s not that she wishes for death, but she figured it was inevitable. Scarif seemed like cheating fate somehow, and each time that she returns home from a mission, she feels like she’s gambling against destiny and one day her luck will run out. Chirrut reminds her to trust in the Force, and she supposes she does, but she doesn’t know what purpose the Force has for keeping her alive.

She thinks she’s making an impact, and she holds onto that as her reason still being alive while so many others around her have died. She doesn’t care much for others remembering her name, but she does care about her legacy. 

Not that someone remembers her name, but that no one’s death – her mother’s, her father’s, her fellow soldiers’ – was in vain. That she fought enough to make a difference for the Rebellion and that it would succeed, even if she doesn’t get to see the end result. 

She carries these with her to sustain her. 

She doesn’t tell these things to Cassian. She assumes he must feel the same way, though they never speak of it. As scared as she is when he returns home too late, or is out of contact for too long, deep down, she knows that nothing is promised, and each moment together might be their last. 

She can’t dwell on that, though.

Each night they have together, the rare ones that they are both on base at the same time, is precious. They don’t talk about where they were, or where they are going tomorrow. They focus instead on each kiss, each touch, each breath.

There’s a voice inside of her that she tries to ignore asking her if she is truly satisfied living like this, only in the present, never dreaming of the future. She can’t allow herself to think about it, though. She’s spent too long never being guaranteed any tomorrows to pretend she has one waiting for her. Each buried hope is a seed in a garden she doesn’t expect to ever see.

So instead, she’ll focus on the feel of Cassian’s hands on her body, his mouth on her skin, his breath in her ear. 

She can carry those with her, too.


	15. Hurricane (A Yellow Sky)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “In the eye of a hurricane  
> There is quiet  
> For just a moment  
> A yellow sky."
> 
> Cassian isn’t sure how many different skies he’s seen by now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and leaving comments/kudos! I appreciate every single one. I hope you like this next installment.

Cassian isn’t sure how many different skies he’s seen by now. He isn’t sure he remembers what the skies looked like back home when he was a child. He sometimes pictures an almost yellow hue, with clouds that gathered in dense clusters, but he doesn’t know if it’s real or imagined.

As the storm of war rages around him, he savors the brief, rare moments of quiet when he can go outside alone and look up. On each new planet, he looks at the skies – the orange and pink sunsets, the purple twilights, the deep black nights. He notes the different constellations, moons, and suns. He observes the clouds, the haze, the clear air.

For those moments, he forgets everything. He forgets the deaths of his parents. He forgets the unspeakable acts he’s been asked to do in the name of the Rebellion. He forgets the friends who never returned home. He forgets the mistakes he’s made that costs others their lives. He forgets the times he’s almost died and wished for one more chance to fight another day. He forgets the times he’s almost died and wished for the end.

Instead, he focuses on what’s above him, and he thinks of the possibilities he sees in the skies.

Tonight, he allows himself to imagine what it would be like if there were no war to fight. He’d be looking at these skies from the comfort of his own land – he doesn’t know where, but someplace that’s not too wet, or too hot, or too cold. He would watch the skies and imagine what’s going on other worlds, but never have to go visit them himself. He could find contentment in the little things. He would find contentment in building the family life he never got to have, one full of comfort and safety.

He knows better than to ask Jyn if she thinks about the end of the war, about what happens if they both make it out of this alive. He knows it’s not worth dreaming of a future that’s not promised, and neither of them has ever had a single day promised before.

So, instead, he returns his focus to the sky, the yellow hue of the calm before the storm, and for just a moment, there is quiet.


	16. The World Turned Upside Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And just like that, it’s over. We tend to our wounded, we count our dead  
> Black and white soldiers wonder alike if this really means freedom  
> Not. Yet…
> 
> And as our fallen foes retreat  
> I hear the drinking song they’re singing…  
> The world turned upside down.”

And just like that it’s over.

They wonder if this really means freedom. (Not yet.)

The second Death Star is gone, the Emperor and Vader are dead, and they’re still alive, and that means so much to figure out, but that’s for another day.

For now, they celebrate, and they’ll worry about what comes next tomorrow.

Jyn feels him before she sees him. Somehow, she can always sense when he’s nearby, an invisible string tugging them closer together. Cassian steps beside her, and she leans into his chest as his arm comes around her shoulders. Her lips curl up in a small smile as she watches her comrades dancing around the bonfires, drinking too much and singing in languages she can’t even begin to understand right now. She looks up at him and sees him looking back at her with an expression she’s seen him give her before – sadness, regret, hope, longing, all mixed into one.

“What’s wrong?” she asks. He shakes his head.

“Nothing, I just…” he trails off and looks back toward the revelers. She slides herself from under his arm to stand directly in front of him, challenging him to avoid her gaze.

“What?” she asks again. He sighs, gaze dropping to the ground. After a few moments, he looks up at her again.

“I just… what if this isn’t it? What if it’s still not over? There will be other battles, still. Loyalties don’t just fade when a treaty is signed.”

“So?” she responds. “We always knew that. We just keep fighting, for as long as it takes. We don’t give up.” 

He seems unsatisfied by her answer.

“But…” he pauses, searching for the words, brow furrowing as he mulls over his choices. Finally, he looks up and says, “But what if we’ve made if this far, and I lose you now?”

She pulls him close to her, eyes closing as she breathes him in. She knows he’s thinking of another time, when a seemingly impossible victory was achieved, only to be followed by tragedy that they barely escaped. For a moment, she is back on Scarif, in the elevator with him as he looks at her the same way he’s looking at her right now. She knows he feels the way they both felt then – victorious, and then hopeless, wondering if after everything they wouldn’t live to see the victory.

She’s brought back to the present when she hears a group of pilots yelling, “We won!” and cheers growing louder. She takes a moment to focus on Cassian, on the gentle quiet he radiates that always calms and balances her. She knows she can’t promise him anything. Life doesn’t work that way, and their entire relationship has been almost losing each other. Maybe, just maybe, this time it will all work out for them.

Still holding him, she lifts her gaze to the woods behind them and sees a glowing blue figure in the distance. Not a hologram – something about the tint and the brightness is off. A man – she knows this man. But it’s impossible for it to be him. She sees him smile, and it looks like he’s saying, “Stardust,” and then he fades. She steps back abruptly, and Cassian looks at her quizzically. 

The bonfires continue to burn in the distance. She takes Cassian’s hand and gives it a small squeeze. They walk together towards the others. She looks up at him, smiling, and he smiles back. 

The world, the galaxy, the universe turned upside down tonight, and that’s what they need to focus on and celebrate now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the first pieces I wrote when I started writing these, but I've held off on posting it because I'm trying to post them in chronological order. I have a couple of ideas floating around for pieces that are set before this, but they're not coming out right, so I decided to post this now rather than wait. I hope you like it!
> 
> Thank you again for reading. The comments and kudos make my day!


	17. Oceans Rise, Empires Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re on your own  
> Awesome. Wow!  
> Do you have a clue what happens now?
> 
> Oceans rise  
> Empires fall  
> It’s much harder when it’s all your call...”
> 
> How do you start a new life, when this is the only life you’ve ever known?

For the first time in their lives, they have the luxury (or the burden) of seriously contemplating what comes next for them. Not just the next mission, or the next battle, or just surviving to make it to the next day, but what to do now that they have the rest of their lives in front of them, as it should have been but wasn’t because of the war. Things that have been relegated to daydreams and fantasies are now possibilities.

Things are much harder now that it’s up to them to plan – no more commanding officers making decisions for them, or being forced to make a split-second decision in the heat of the moment. Now they have to think, to really weigh options, to think of a life that isn’t one of just trying to survive.

Jyn wonders what it all means. Is this really freedom, or an endless cycle of vengeance, with no true peace? Will they ever stop fighting for freedom and for what’s right? 

Part of her wonders if she’s contemplating the existential questions to avoid the more immediate matters at hand. Where is home, when she doesn’t really have a home to go back to?

Cassian once told her, “Welcome home.” She knows that home is with him, wherever they are. But the war has prevented them from discussing the practicalities. What do they do now? 

How do you start a new life, when this is the only life you’ve ever known?

She closes her eyes and inhales deeply, and an image creeps into her mind, slowly forming with greater clarity. A small, modest home, comfortable and warm. Quiet, with few people around. Cassian by her side.

They’ll figure out the where and when of it all. She can allow herself to start planning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was also one of the first pieces I wrote when I first started writing these drabbles/one-shots.
> 
> Thank you again for reading and leaving comments and kudos! They make me so happy!


	18. Past Patiently Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “For the first time  
> I’m thinkin’ past tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to everyone who is reading and leaving comments and kudos! I'm so glad to read the comments and hear what you think about this.
> 
> I think there may be one or two more chapters of this for now. This is the first writing I've done in a long time, and it's been great to get back into it. I didn't know if anyone would even read this, so thank you for reading and for your feedback.

Sometimes, when he allowed himself to dream, Cassian imagined what life would have been like if he hadn’t lost it all. If he had a mother and father, guiding him and supporting him. If he had a home to return home to, where he could feel safe. If he was able to make a simple living for himself and have a family.

He never entertained these thoughts for long, because there was too much reality to focus on and no time for fantasy. But now that the Empire has fallen, for the first time, he has the possibility of a semi-normal life.

He isn’t sure about much, but he knows that Jyn is part of his future. She both grounds him and fires him up, always aware of what he needs. She is what guides him, and he needs her with him, figuring this out together.

He’s operated for years now assuming in the back of his mind that if they were to make it out of this alive, they would stay together. He meant it when he told her he was with her all the way. He’s never asked her how she feels, exactly, but he hopes he’s not wrong.

People are already starting to leave the base, returning to families and friends, returning home. He and Jyn have stayed behind, helping to plan the transition of Alliance into a functioning army for the New Republic. He knows that Leia wants them both to stay on and work with her as she helps form the new government, one more thing he and Jyn haven’t actually discussed yet. Either way, they can’t live on the base for the rest of their lives.

It’s time to start thinking past tomorrow.

After a day of too-long meetings and strategy sessions, he finds Jyn back in their room. She’s folding clothes and putting them away, and he’s struck by the domesticity of it all. Jyn is more comfortable with shooting someone with a blaster than doing anything remotely domestic. She gives him a small smile when she sees him, and he can’t help but smile back.

“How was it?” she asks, and he shakes his head.

“Nothing worth sharing, for now. No one seems to know the best way forward and it seems like they’re not even listening to each other anymore.”

“I guess winning was easy. Governing’s harder,” she smirks.

“It would be nice if they remembered the word ‘compromise.’”

“For what it’s worth, I talked to Bodhi earlier, and he said his meetings aren’t going any better.” Bodhi had decided to start a task force that would work to reintegrate former Imperial soldiers and workers into the New Republic. Not surprisingly, the idea isn’t going over well with a good portion of the Alliance.

Cassian sighs, taking a newly folded pile of clothes and putting them in a drawer. They work in silence for a few moments, Jyn folding and Cassian putting things away.

“I think this is the first time we’ve done this,” he says.

“What, laundry?”

“No, just… here together, doing chores, taking our time. Just…being.” Normally, they would be rushing to take care of the necessities in the moments between having to leave again. They’ve rarely had time to just be together, no rush, no agenda. Cassian is shocked by how comfortable and familiar it already feels. 

“I can’t remember the last time I could just be,” Jyn says quietly. “I don’t know if I can.”

Cassian puts an arm around her, pulling her close. “I can’t remember, either. But we can figure it out together.”

She buries her face in his chest, sighing softly.

“Okay,” she whispers, “let’s figure it out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she says, her voice more confident. “I’m done waiting. Let’s do this.”


	19. Domestic Life Was Never Quite My Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You will come of age with our young nation  
> We’ll bleed and fight for you, we’ll make it right for you  
> If we lay a strong enough foundation  
> We’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you  
> And you’ll blow us all away  
> Someday, someday.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gets so super fluffy it's gross. I'm sorry (not sorry).

They were both right to worry, Jyn thinks – the fall of the Empire didn’t exactly mean true peace. The New Republic is establishing itself, but not without infighting. Some Imperialists are starting skirmishes throughout the galaxy. Still, the fear of death was less pervasive than it had been – no more rushing into battle, no more looking over their shoulders, no more worrying that the other hadn’t returned home. The anxiety doesn’t seem like it will ever fully fade, but it is getting lesser and lesser. Jyn still awakes some nights in a cold sweat from a vision of herself and Cassian evaporating into stardust on Scarif. Cassian still startles too easily at loud noises. And yet, somehow, life is approaching what they could call normalcy. They find a small house, surrounded by trees, somewhere not too warm or too cold. Things are steady and almost predictable.

And then things become unpredictable again.

Jyn knows she hasn’t been feeling like herself the last few weeks. Something feels different. She finds herself staring out the window of their small kitchen, holding a cup of caf, when it dawns on her. The cup falls to the ground with a crash, liquid spilling everywhere. Cassian comes running in at the noise.

“Jyn, what’s wrong?” He looks concerned, and she does her best to give a reassuring smile. She must have failed at it, because his expression remains unchanged.

“I need to see a doctor,” she says quietly.

“Are you feeling ill?” he asks, and she can see that he’s starting to panic. She shakes her head.

“I just need to check something.” He doesn’t look thrilled, exactly, but knows better than to push it.

A few hours later, she has an answer, and things are only more complicated.

How can she be a parent? Her parents weren’t around for her after the age of eight, and it’s not as though Saw was exactly a good role model. She rests her hand on her still-flat belly, closing her eyes and breathing in. She’ll do what she’s always done – do what she has to in order to get through it, one day at a time.

She decides she can’t tell Casisan just yet.

When she returns home, Cassian is talking to someone. She rounds the corner and sees Baze and Chirrut sitting with him. She smiles weakly at them, taking a seat next to Cassian. Chirrut smiles at her as though he knows something no one else does, and her hand subconsciously touches her stomach. He knows, somehow, and his smile grows wider.

They talk about the latest developments with the New Republic, and how Bodhi is doing with his task force for rehabilitating ex-Imperials, and Kaytoo’s work assisting Leia (Han can’t stand him, which gives Cassian a great deal of pleasure, Jyn can tell). When they say their goodbyes, Chirrut leans in and whispers, “You should tell him.” Jyn nods slightly and gives him a quick hug.

Later, once it’s dark, they’ve built a fire outside. They sit close together, savoring the quiet, his arm around her shoulder as she leans into him. She treasures these moments, the first moments of quiet and rest she’s been allowed to have. She wonders if that will all change now, once she says what she needs to say.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispers. She feels him tense next to her.

“Jyn, are you sure?” he asks quietly, and she nods. “How long have you known?”

“Since earlier today.”

“You should have told me.” He turns his body to face her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because then it’s real,” she whispers, looking at the ground. He touches her face gently, and she looks up at him. His eyes are full of love and wonder.

“Jyn, why is it bad if it’s real?”

“I don’t know how to do this. _We_ don’t know how to do this. And things are still such a mess right now – how can we bring a child into this?”

“Then it will make us fight even harder to make things safe,” he responds with passion. “We’ll make sure of it. Our child won’t have to suffer what we did.”

“You don’t know that, Cassian.”

“Jyn, will you do everything in your power to make sure our child is safe and loved?”

“Of course,” she whispers.

“Then that’s all we need,” he responds, and she leans into his shoulder and he kisses the top of her head. “We’ll fight to lay the foundation of a strong republic. We’ll keep working for what’s right. We’ll work hard to pass on a free galaxy that we can be proud of. As long as we try, that’s what matters. Are you with me?”

“All the way,” she smiles.


	20. Dedicating Every Day to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My father wasn’t around  
> I swear that I’ll be around for you  
> I’ll do whatever it takes  
> I’ll make a million mistakes  
> I’ll keep the world safe and sound for you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is incredibly sappy and incredibly cliche, but I needed to give them a happy ending. I was tempted to throw in some angst, but my brain went to pure fluff.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck with this experiment. Thank you for reading, thank you for leaving kudos, thank you for commenting. I think this is it where I'm going to wrap this up for now, but who knows what weird idea might pop into my brain next.

Lyra Gale Andor Erso is perfect. She comes into the world one winter morning, while everything is covered in a light dusting of snow. As winter turns to spring, she continues to charm her parents, along with her many uncles who come to visit her. Bodhi looks terrified the first time he holds her, worried that he’ll somehow cause her harm or do something wrong. Chirrut is a natural at calming her, and Baze delights in making her giggle with silly faces. K-2SO declares her to be a perfectly adequate human child, which makes Cassian nearly well up with tears. 

Two orphans who were used to being on their own suddenly find themselves with a family.

After a morning of meetings with his fellow officers in the New Republic’s army intelligence unit, Cassian is grateful to be back home again. Just stepping into the house fills him with a sense of calm that was unfamiliar to him for most of his life. He walks into the bedroom as quietly as he can, thankful in this moment for his years of having to sneak around without being notice. He doesn’t want to disturb Jyn or their daughter if they’re resting. He sees they’re in the bed but awake, Jyn cradling Lyra in her arms. They look so peaceful, and the feeling of pure love for them stops him in his tracks. Jyn is smiling at Lyra, and Lyra looks up at her with wonder. Before he can announce himself, he hears Jyn start to speak softly.

“I was worried I couldn’t do this, you know. My parents weren’t around for me. Your father’s weren’t there for him, either. I was so scared. I think he was scared too, you know, but he’ll never admit it,” Cassian smiles at that, as Jyn continues. “But all I know is we will do everything we can to make sure you never live the lives we did. I swear that I’ll be around for you. I swear we’ll make everything safe for you.”

She leans down and kisses Lyra’s forehead softly, and Lyra coos at her, smiling. Cassian deliberately makes his footsteps heavier so Jyn will hear him approaching then. She looks up at him, and smiles. He gently sits down on the bed next to her, reaching automatically for his daughter. Jyn passes her to him, and he holds her close. He whispers to Lyra in the language he spoke as a child on Fest, echoing the promises Jyn just made.

As Lyra falls asleep in his arms, Jyn leans her head on his shoulder, sighing in contentment. 

He never expected that his life could ever lead to this moment, but he is grateful for every single thing if it led him here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you, thank you, thank you for reading. I mentioned early on that this was the first creative writing I've done in a long time, and I didn't know if anyone would read it. Thank you for reading and sticking with this, thank you for the feedback, thank you for the kudos. It means so much to me.


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